22 December 2008
Something I Don't Often Do
This post is going to be a little bit out of the ordinary for me. Usually I keep certain things a bit closer than a post, but as I have been "preaching" to another friend lately, sometimes releasing issues out into the blogosphere can be truly therapeutic. A catharctic release, if you will.
The past several weeks, since very early November, have been extremely difficult for me on a personal level. I lost a very special and important relationship early in november. As some of you know, I had been dating Michael (sexykool1) for a while, and back in August he had proposed to me. We were supposed to be getting married this week, perhaps why events are hitting me at this time. Well, in November he showed up one Saturday morning, and without warning dropped a bombshell on me, that he was ending the relationship. Originally it was because he thought I was taking him away from God, he wanted to focus more on his career, but he didn't want to date other people, or have "relations" with other people. Interestingly, within an hour of his "revelation" he had personal ads up around the net. A few weeks go by, and it is Thanksgiving. The day after he calls me, and then e-mails me:
From:"Michael"
Sent:Fri. 28.11.08 6.47 pm
To:"Randy "
Subj:Re: Nice to hear from you too
Its finally hitting me, and hard :( funny I'm putting up the tree listening to music. I thought of you and this song one of my favorite by shirley merdock comes on now I'm balling. I'm so so so very sorry baby
This then led to a few weeks of back and forth of random messages from him such as an early morning text message that he just woke up thinking of me, and had to tell me he loved me. Finally, it led to a four hour late night call where he expressed that he wanted to get back together, to work things out, and to fulfill everything we had planned, including getting married. I at the time expressed to him my concerns with his changeability, which he said he understood, and wanted to prove his sincerity to me. He went so far as to changing his online profiles to state he had someone good in his life, and was no longer looking for anything more than friends.
However, within 24 hours, his position once again changed, and he was back online, per his own profile, looking for any type of hook up he could find.
Needless to say, I know that I am not, nor was I ever the problem. He is the shining example of the "Grass is Greener" mentioned in a post a few weeks ago. I also know that I have neither the time nor the inclination to deal with such nonsense, especially from a 40 year old man.
What makes it even more sad is the fact that I have dealt with people with far more deep-seated issues of an emotional nature, including substance abuse issues, who have been more sincere, more caring, and less, hell to be blunt, less fucked up than this one individual. Do I have qualms about using his real name? Hell no! If he can be out on the net peddling himself, then I can quite unabashedly call it out.
Right now, I am sleepy, but will continue this post soon! He isn't the only example of this behaviour recently encountered.
The past several weeks, since very early November, have been extremely difficult for me on a personal level. I lost a very special and important relationship early in november. As some of you know, I had been dating Michael (sexykool1) for a while, and back in August he had proposed to me. We were supposed to be getting married this week, perhaps why events are hitting me at this time. Well, in November he showed up one Saturday morning, and without warning dropped a bombshell on me, that he was ending the relationship. Originally it was because he thought I was taking him away from God, he wanted to focus more on his career, but he didn't want to date other people, or have "relations" with other people. Interestingly, within an hour of his "revelation" he had personal ads up around the net. A few weeks go by, and it is Thanksgiving. The day after he calls me, and then e-mails me:
From:"Michael"
Sent:Fri. 28.11.08 6.47 pm
To:"Randy "
Subj:Re: Nice to hear from you too
Its finally hitting me, and hard :( funny I'm putting up the tree listening to music. I thought of you and this song one of my favorite by shirley merdock comes on now I'm balling. I'm so so so very sorry baby
This then led to a few weeks of back and forth of random messages from him such as an early morning text message that he just woke up thinking of me, and had to tell me he loved me. Finally, it led to a four hour late night call where he expressed that he wanted to get back together, to work things out, and to fulfill everything we had planned, including getting married. I at the time expressed to him my concerns with his changeability, which he said he understood, and wanted to prove his sincerity to me. He went so far as to changing his online profiles to state he had someone good in his life, and was no longer looking for anything more than friends.
However, within 24 hours, his position once again changed, and he was back online, per his own profile, looking for any type of hook up he could find.
Needless to say, I know that I am not, nor was I ever the problem. He is the shining example of the "Grass is Greener" mentioned in a post a few weeks ago. I also know that I have neither the time nor the inclination to deal with such nonsense, especially from a 40 year old man.
What makes it even more sad is the fact that I have dealt with people with far more deep-seated issues of an emotional nature, including substance abuse issues, who have been more sincere, more caring, and less, hell to be blunt, less fucked up than this one individual. Do I have qualms about using his real name? Hell no! If he can be out on the net peddling himself, then I can quite unabashedly call it out.
Right now, I am sleepy, but will continue this post soon! He isn't the only example of this behaviour recently encountered.
